Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
