What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
