so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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