The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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