Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
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