I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
