I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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