i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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