4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
