i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize