a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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