one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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