remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
