Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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