My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
