You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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