Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
