he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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