I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
