when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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