NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
