we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
