he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
