The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
