i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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