i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
