in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I AM VODKA MAN
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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