Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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