Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
