I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
