Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
