3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
