when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just googled if crying burns calories
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
