3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
