I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
