Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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