just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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