I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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