Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize