Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
