She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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