sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
