So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
