Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
