why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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