I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize