my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize