i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
