I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
