so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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