My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
