The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
