You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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