Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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