Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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