Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
