I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
What a fucking waste of an outfit
and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
