TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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