sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
