We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
