First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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