please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
