tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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