My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
