Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
