Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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