Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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