watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
