I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
