he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
