I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
