She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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