Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
